How Lonely Are You?

Caution: If you're looking for a sad story, kindly skip.

A 25 year old woman here. A CA final drop out and now an Author and a writer.

Well, lonely.. No! I don't feel I am lonely.

Professional front:

Written a book. Was very positively taken.

Writing second book.

Write on many social media platforms and also do freelancing and collaborations.

Get lots of messages and mails on social media from readers so have conversations with them. Love listening to their stories. Someone who was recently blessed with a baby boy to someone who lost his sister few years back, my readers share a lot with me.

Always on a mission to establish some new creative boundaries for myself and never stop.

Personal front:

Have a supportive family. Go on a walk daily for half an hour with father.

Talk almost every night with mother for half hour before sleeping. (Even though most of the times the topic is my marriage :P)

Have a boyfriend. We always keep each other updated. Share our stuff. Fight. Make up. Go out often on dates. I give him names, he gives me recipes. I book his ticket in one train, he goes by another train :P

Have sisters with whom I have a phone call conversation at least once or twice every week. Four nephews who are sweet and naughty at the same time. They visit us every few months for some days.

Have two bffs with whom talk for a few minutes daily and meet up few times in a year.

Have some good friends with whom talk once or twice in a month.

Go to movies, dinners, lunches, outings, shopping few times in a year with family/friends.

Get a little chatty with neighbors/relatives every couple of months.

Apart from these, I have my own hobbies like:

Reading books.

Listening to music.

Watching movies and web series and documentaries.

Love stand up comedy.

Love going on solo rides on my activa around the city.

I cook one meal for myself almost everyday.

Buying some useful/useless inexpensive roadside items.

Paying bills via online apps and winning cashbacks and reward points and buying some stuff for myself. (Yeah, it's my hobby.)

Every once in a while I switch off my electronic and technology and take a break from all of it and spend time with myself in absolute peace.

So no, I am not lonely. I am happy.

But. But. But. But.

Was I always like that? No.

After going through A LOT of answers here, and after reading some common isolation problems of other people, I would like to share some realities too:

I was in depression when I was 18. Lost love. Used to cry a lot. Failed twice in CA IPCC as I was not able to concentrate on my studies. This continued for almost 2 years. During 2011–2013. Was on medication at that time.

I was extremely socially awkward during this time. Lost many school friends, and was terrible at making new friends.

Used to stay by myself and read books inside my room all day. Used to find excuses of not to attend classes. Avoided people like a disease.

Used to get panic attacks when I was amidst numerous people. Still feel social anxiety in crowded places, but it isn't as bad as before.

But then, I decided it was time to change little by little:

I started writing more publically. Started writing blog in 2013. Slowly people started appreciating me for my writing. Writing became my symbol. My skill broke and still break the ice.

I made it a point to make at least one friend in every class I attended. Not a group of friends. Just one friend in each class. So that I did not feel lonely, neither did I have to be around numerous people. By the time I dropped out of CA, I automatically had a group of good friends.

After I dropped out of CA, started writing on various social platforms and simultaneously on my book. People messaged me and talked about their general, career, relationship problems. Even though I am an introvert, I try to entertain as many people as I can. I hear stories of people even when they don't impact me. In October-November 2018, I used to talk on call with readers of my book for feedbacks. Very valuable experience. I am extremely lucky that so many people around this country trust and respect me.

I work from home and live with my parents, so if I go by that I can be in my room for weeks at stretch. But almost everyday I go to market to get some stuff done. Then I again go out with my father for a walk. Or I definitely go for a solo ride. To feel the weather on your body is must. In this rainy season I got drenched completely 3 times. It feels good.

Although I am not a social butterfly, I make it a point to hang around with my guy and some close friends once in a while. Even if I am not feeling like it. Once you get ready and go out, I have understood that you will almost always feel thankful that you came out of your room and got to see other humans too.

I don't wait for messages or calls generally. I message or call myself the people I want to talk to. (Remember one friend theory). Same way every moment I have to have at least 5 friends in my life. If the count falls down, I start searching for a new friend.

Family is ALWAYS a priority. Parents, sisters, nephews. I make it a point to have conversations with them. Definitely just like any normal family we fight, we disagree on few points or other such things, but I make sure that I never hold a grudge against them. I know they will always be there for me, and this point is enough to forget the disagreements.

We have a maid to cook food, but I make it a point that I cook one meal for myself everyday. It is the snack kind of meal. I cook various things like Pohe, Sewai, sandwich, Upma for myself with a glass of cold or hot coffee. This habit has taught me a lot of cooking.

It is absolute must to develop some in house hobbies to keep yourself occupied when you're not working and at home alone. Hobbies like reading, watching stuff, cooking, painting, music, dancing or whatever, but they are very necessary to have so that you don't feel dependant on others all the time for happiness.

One of the best decision of my life is that I gave another chance to love. Heartbreaks happens, but to stop your life over one person isn't correct. Everyone deserves love and companionship, but for that one needs to come out of self pity. I used to pity myself for losing my love, not anymore. I deserve love.

I like talking to the Auto drivers, the shopkeepers, the stall owners and the likes. They have many stories and experiences. If not anything, most of them have a warmth.

My guy still says I am anti-social. I defy. I am not too much into society. I don't hang around people everyday. I am no social butterfly. But I am not too much by myself too. I haven't lost the human touch. I am neither in the black nor white, I am in my comfortable grey zone most of the time.

If you're reading this, understand that your life is just the reflection of the choices you are making. I was in depression, I was very lonely with no friends, no relationship, poor communication with family and failed health and academics.

But instead of accepting that, I made it a point to change at least something about it. I am not criticizing anyone here. I read your stories. I felt your experiences. All I want to convey is that do not fall in the trap I have seen from close. It isn't good. Do not accept it. Change something about it.

Talk to at least one person wherever you go. People are weird around us because we act weird around them. When we try to open up a little, they reciprocate. Speaking from personal experience.

Social media might not be very good for having friendships or relationships, but it's a good platform to have little conversations with people around the world. Just talk a little. Do not expect permanency from social media.

Go out at least once almost everyday even if you don't feel like.

Just call/message up a person randomly. If they're in your contact list, you had acquaintance with them.

Inculcate hobbies.

Be happy and accept yourself. If you don't like anything about your life, change it. Don't pity yourself. You're young and energetic. You can change your life.

I am not perfect happy, neither are you, nor anyone else. But at least we can try. Trying to be happy does not harm anyone.

Have a happy life!