Should Feminist Women Marry?

Dear fellow ‘feminist' women,

I am a woman too. I am a feminist too. I advocate for the equality of choices and opportunities too.

I am a writer, an author and there are a lot of aspects to my professional life.

But.

At the same time, I also want to get married. I want to have kids. I would like to have a family where both mine and his family would be around us.

And that does not make me slave. Marriage and motherhood, taking care of families by default is not slavery or torture. My feminism is not anti-marriage or anti-children. My feminism is about respecting choices of different humans.

If a woman wants to get married at 25, let her be. She chose it. She might be happy in doing so.

If a woman wants to be pregnant and go through nine hard months to birth her child, let her be. She chose it. She might be happy in doing so.

If a woman wants to be a good housemaker and look after her family instead of going to work, let her be. She chose it. She might be happy in doing so.

If a woman is taking care of her in-laws and her husband instead of demanding a seperate house, let her be. She chose it. She might be happy in doing so.

If a woman wants to adorn herself in a Saree instead of a knee length dress, let her be. She chose it. She might be happy in doing so.

There are a lot of women who actually chooses their conventional roles and actually finds happiness in doing them. Just because they don't abide by the rules of modern women, does not mean all such women are forced, harassed or turned into slaves.

All husbands and in-laws are not devil. There are many who are normal humans with whom a woman can co-exist. If a woman choose having a positive outlook towards them, then let her be. If they turn out as abusers, she will herself quit.

Do not make her quit without even trying.

Do not tell women that marriage, husband and in-laws are going to be abusers by default.

That each little adjustment in new life is an attack on ‘freedom'.

That having children will ruin her whole life and cut her wings down.

Just because a woman wants to get married, become pregnant, choose her family over her career, stays with her in-laws, adjusts with her husband, her choices does not necessarily make her a dumb woman who is being harassed and abused.

Many women do not find happiness in marrying a man, or birthing a child. They do not see any point in it.

I respect their stance. As long it is about their life.

But I do. I do want to get married and have children. And I would like you to respect my opinion and decision regarding my life. Don't expect me to not find happiness in getting married or having children and instead finding misery in them because you do so.

Because this is the exact opposite of feminism.

Stop asking me and women like me why do we want to get married to men and why having a husband important for our happiness.

Kindly stop labelling women who have choices like these as desperate and spineless.

Feminism has advocated that women should have choices and their choices should be respected.

Feminism means fighting against the atrocities committed against women in marriages, curb them, and make healthy marriages for women where they have freedom inside their marriages. Feminism does not mean fighting against marriages and boycotting them altogether because of problems.

Therefore, just like a woman who does not want to get married, does not want to get preganant, wants to seperate from in-laws or divorce her husband has her own rights of choosing and deciding for her life, so does other women who just wants the exact opposite for themselves.

May be one woman feels the happiest when she is promoted.

Maybe the another woman feels the happiest when her child starts walking.

Judging either of the woman for her happiness is wrong.

If choosing career over family/husband/child is not wrong, then choosing family/husband/child over career is not wrong either as long as the woman in question is happy.

Respect different choices of different women about different aspects.

Stop mocking them.

I am a woman who wants to get married, have children, make adjustments, have a career and lead a good life. I choose them.

And no, that does not mean I am a woman who has fallen prey to patriarchy.

I am just a woman, like many other women, who likes both modernities with traditional values.

And as long as I can choose all this for myself, I, am a free woman.

And just like I respect your definition of freedom, I would like you to respect mine.