Tell Your Daughter This On Her Marriage

“You should walk away if it hurts you. It's better than sticking around and hurting yourself more and more. Let the people say whatever, we got your back. Just be happy.”

I know a family. Their eldest son was married around 7–8 years ago. That guy, after one year of marriage, moved out, leaving his wife behind, to live with his girlfriend. The sadder part was that, the wife still continued to live in her in-laws house, doing everything a daughter-in-law does, when her husband was openly living with his girlfriend. After five years of waiting and sheer humiliation of the girl, she was finally taken away by her brother.

Now I have a simple question.

Why was she subjected to such humiliation for five years? Living in a house, taking care of his parents, cooking, cleaning, doing all the work, while her “husband” was posting pictures of vacations with his live-in girlfriend? Shouldn't she had just left right on the day when her husband announced his live-in relationship with another woman? Can the society ever be able to give her self respect back, that was continuously murdered?

But why was she helpless? Why was she forced to live in such conditions?

I'll tell you why. Because the parents of the girl were not in her support. The parents, the siblings, were okay with whatever was happening with their girl, as long as she was at her in-laws house, even if she weren't a daughter in law to them but just a maid, her parents were okay as long as the society was appeased that the daughter was in her husband's home. In what condition, none cared.

Indian parents of the present generation (50+), I have come to realize, no matter how educated, 90% of them are still a victim of the mentality “What will the society say?”, “How will she survive without her husband?”, “She's a woman she should not come back to her parents house.”, Or “she should try to make everything right.”, “How will she bring up her kids?”

Indian parents will give every solution to their daughters, except of moving away from a disastrous marriage. They will give all the possible solutions ranging from adjustments, compromises, getting pregnant, using sex, appeasement of husband or in-laws, staying silent, changing herself or whatnot. But they never realize that a woman have probably done it all before coming to them. How can parents tell their daughter to live with man who's cheating on her, or ever worse, when her husband is in a live-in relationship with another woman?

I have read so many instances by women on Quora, where they were stuck in miserable marriage, and they with their kids really wanted to come out of that situation, however they had no support whatsoever from their own parents. Why do most Indian parents just really give up on their daughters after the marriage? Are daughters so much “burden” on their own parents? How can just parents leave their daughters crying for help and ignore her plight?

“Mayke se doli uthti hai aur sasural se arthi”

“You are married from your parents home, but your death should be at your husband's home.”

First of all, is it a social rule that a woman cannot just return to her parents home no matter how bad the circumstances are in her husband's home? What should a woman do if she's dying daily at her in-laws, and her parents are not ready to support her too? Commit suicide? Means parents can see their daughter dead, but not accept her back in their own house?

Dead daughter at husband's home > Alive daughter at parents home.

Is this the Indian logic?

We're in 2018. With literary rate rising up-to 70% in India, most of us do know certain things. Still most Indian parents cannot say a simple line to their daughters, even the most educated ones:

“Beti, agar tu khush nahi hai, agar woh sab tujhe izzat aur pyaar se nahi rakh rahe, toh wapis aaja. Yeh abhi bhi tera ghar hai.”

“Daughter, if you're not happy, if your husband and in-laws are not keeping you with respect and love, come back. This is still your home.”

This is the line all Indian parents should tell their daughters, but most don't, and it's very unfortunate for the daughters of India. If daughters cannot be wholeheartedly accepted by their own parents no matter what, how can they be completely accepted as wives or daughter-in-laws wholeheartedly in the Indian society. If a home where she was born, brought up for twenty five years cannot accept her as it's own, how can a house she recently moved in after marriage will accept her?

Men are jewels of only one family. However women, are the jewelry of two families. She takes the burden of “respect and honor” of two families simultaneously on her shoulders. She's takes birth in one family, and keeps their name. She's then married one day into another family and then she keeps their name. She's a root to two families, and both the families belong to her, simultaneously, she also belongs to both the families. She should be equally accepted, cherished, protected, honored, respected and loved in both the families.