Housewifes, Take Notes

“Abhi na jao chhor kar, ki dil abhi bhara nahi”

Hindi song playing in the background, on Radio.

• Sanvi, ohh sorry, Mrs Sanvi Anant Sharma, mother of an eight year old daughter and five year old son, is working in the kitchen one fine morning.

Mother-in-law - “Sanvi, prepare tea for all of us, and turn off that radio, we're watching our guruji's morning program.”

Mrs Sanvi Anant Sharma turns off the radio.

• A week later, the festival of Holi descends. Mrs Sanvi Anant Sharma is teaching dance to her daughter , so that she can give a solo performance on the Holi program of the society.

12 years back :

Mrs Sanvi Anant Sharma - “Papaji, can I participate in the holi program? I am a trained classical dancer. I won many prizes in my college also. I really want to perform.”

Father-in-law - “Sanvi, bete, all that was before your marriage. Then, you were the daughter of your father. Now, you're my daughter-in-law, and daughter-in-laws don't dance in front of so many people. What will people say? Mr Sharma's daughter in law was dancing on stage wearing “ghungroos"? All this classical dance is nonsense, forget about it and concentrate on your home.”

Mr Anant Sharma didn't support his wife either. He wanted his wife to follow his father's instructions.

Mrs Sanvi Sharma just went to the Holi program, had a little food, came back home, and wept the whole night.

• A week later, there was a party organized by Mrs Sanvi Anant Sharma's friends.

Mrs Sanvi Anant Sharma - Anant, can you teach both the kids tomorrow? Tomorrow is Sunday, you will be at home, and their exam is on Monday. I really want to go to this party.

Anant Sharma - Come on yaar Sanvi, you know I cannot teach children, I just cannot. All I get is a Sunday, and you want me to teach kids? Is that party more important than me and the kids for you?

Mrs Sanvi Anant Sharma cancels her plan and teach the kids, also cooks Anant's favorite dish, and Anant watches a film on television.

• A month later, Mrs Sanvi Anant Sharma feels like romancing her husband. She tries to go closer to him.

Anant Sharma - “What is it Sanvi, what do you want? Tomorrow is an important meeting, and all you want is sex. What kind of a woman demands sex like this from her husband?”

Mrs Sanvi Anant Sharma goes to sleep, tears wetting her pillow, feeling cheaper than she ever had.

• A fortnight later, it's Mrs Sanvi Sharma's 36th birthday. Anant got a cake for her. Cake was butterscotch. Her favorite was pineapple. Her daughter liked butterscotch.

Later in dinner, she made burgers and pizzas for her children and husband, and khichdi for her MIL and FIL.

She hated burgers and pizzas. She disliked khichdi. She loved ajwaaein wali poori and aloo sabji, with jalebis. Nobody cooked them for her.

Mrs Sanvi Anant Sharma celebrated her birthday by doing and eating things she didn't like.

• An year later, Mrs Sanvi Sharma goes to shopping with her husband. She liked a dress, and told her husband she wants to buy it.

Anant - “What is wrong with you Sanvi? You will wear this in the wedding? What will people say? They'll mock our whole family. Just buy something which a good woman should wear in our society.”

Mrs Sanvi Anant Sharma quietly buys another Saree, because Anant loved to see her only in a Saree.

All of us know Mrs Sanvi Anant Sharma. She can be anyone. She can be someone reading this answer. She can be the mother, sister, wife, daughter, sister-in-law, daughter-in-law, neighbor, relative, friend of someone reading this answer. Her name could be anything like Aastha, Maya, Sulekha, Radhika, Aditi, Akanksha, Vidhi, Divya, Neha, Monika, or any other Indian female name. She could be having any degree like a Doctor, CA, CS, MBA, PH.D, M.A, B.Sc, Lawyer. She could be having any skill like dancing, photography, writing, singing, travelling, designing, entrepreneurship.

But she's trained. She's trained to overlook. She's trained to ignore. She's trained to compromise. She's trained to succumb. She's taught that she will only be respected and loved when she'll listen and follow everyone else, other than herself. She's trained to disregard; herself, her wants, her needs, her dreams, her happiness, her independence, and most importantly; her identity. No one asks what she wants to do, she's only expected to do what other would like her to do. She's only the bearer of “sasural ki maryada” flag(dignity of inlaws).

She is trained to see her husband's success as her own; because she's “not allowed” to chase her own success, maybe only then she could be an ideal wife. She's glorified only when she cooks her children's favorite meal even on her birthday, she doesn't have the fancy leisure to sit idle and be served her favorite food on her day, maybe only then she will be a godly mother. She's taught to give up what makes her happy, only because what makes her happy makes her Mother-in-law or Father-in-law sad and angry, maybe only then she would be a perfect daughter-in-law in the society.

She's trained to be a good wife, good mother, good daughter-in-law after marriage. She's trained to be everything, everything apart from being herself. She's not entitled to be wild in bed, she's not entitled to roam on roads on a scooty feeling the air on her face and hair. She's not entitled to humm her favorite songs while cooking in the kitchen. She's not entitled to dance freely in family gatherings. She's not entitled to wear that dress she loved at the store. She's not entitled to have male friends probably. She's not entitled to sleep away to glory like others on Sundays. She's not entitled to do something she wants to do without thinking if she's destroying the reputation of her in laws in anyway. One of the woman I know was even debarred from using social media after marriage for 1 year, and then she got divorced.

She is, she has always been, and she will always be, Mrs Sanvi Anant Sharma, wife of Mr Anant Sharma, daughter in law of Mr Rajveer Sharma and Mrs Kamla Rajveer Sharma, mother of Miss Arya Sharma and Master Aryan Sharma.

She would never, never ever be Sanvi. Just plain, simple Sanvi. She would never be only a woman, but only someone defined by her relationships with other people.

That's what the housewives of India are doing wrong. Becoming too meek, too carried away, too submissive, too perfect, too idol, too self giving, too self less, too accepting, and losing themselves entirely in their life. Becoming too concerned what will others think. Giving up herself to please others.

“Aadhoori aas chhor ke, aadhoori pyaas chhor ke, jo roz yuhi jaoge, toh kis tarah nibhaoge, kii jindagi ki raah mai, jawa dilo ki chah mai, kai mukaam aayenge, jo humko aajmaaenge, bura na mano baat ka, yeh pyaar hai gila nahi”

*Just a hindi song playing in the background*

Disclaimer - This is my humble request to all the men out there, who are husbands or would be husbands. Do not let the woman you marry die inside her body. Do not let the spark of her wildness in her eyes fuse out. As a wife, she'll love you out of her duty. As a woman, she'll love you out of her passion. The love of an untamed wild woman is very different from the love of a domesticated wife. Don't make her leave things for others, small little or big things, things that make her, her. Don't kill her alive, please. She's not a doll, she's a human.

Compromise is one thing, but trying to transform someone into a complete another person, is an inappropriate demand.