Are You In A Relationship With Them Even After Break-Up?

‘I lay in my bed lifelessly. I haven't left it for three days. I haven't showered, hell I haven't shaved for two weeks. She liked my stubble look, and now whenever I look into the mirror, I wonder if she would have found this look as attractive. I pick up my phone and take a selfie, contemplate if I should send it to her like before and ask her what she thinks. But I don't. I keep the phone back.

I get up slowly from the bed to use the restroom, and then stuff my mouth with few pieces of bread. Enough to keep me alive. I have lost some weight because of my lack of eating, especially for two weeks, when I left my job after serving my two months resignation period. Two weeks and I haven't left my rented room. I haven't told anyone back at home that I am jobless and depressed.

We broke up two months ago. I won't go into the reasons. But after that, my life had turned upside down. I have no sense of time anymore. I try to sleep, but I cannot. I simply turn and toss restlessly. I stalk her profile for hours, happy that she hasn't blocked me. Yet. I listen to her favorite songs on loop, watch the movies she liked, and wait for a message or call from her. I look at our pictures together, I sit amidst the gifts that were given by her. I cry sometimes. I live in her memories. Sometimes I write my feelings on a paper and then tear it up into pieces. I watch comedy and motivation videos, but the pain doesn't fade. She left me for someone else, that pain doesn't leave.

But today is different. After months of grief, today I decide something. I go back to the bathroom and shave. Then, I take a long shower, cleaning my body and my find off her Staleness. I wear fresh clothes. Then I order my favorite dish from the food app. After filling myself, I quietly take out all her gifts and keep them neatly in a box, tape it and keep it out for the sweeper to pick it up. Then, I delete all her pictures, songs, messages, emails, call records and numbers from my phone. Then I move to social media and block her from every single one. And then, I do one last thing.

“You chose him over me months back. Today, I am choosing my life over you. I am breaking up with you today.”

And I send her the message, before blocking her on the last social app.

I cry, but I feel good. I feel free. I know I am still in pain. I know that I need time to come out of it. I also know that I will always remember her when that one song will play somewhere or when I'll walk down the same roads next time I go to her city for work. I know a part of her, that relationship will always live inside me. But, I also know that I will no longer waste my time in stalking her, looking at her pictures or waiting for her call. I know that I will no longer put my life on pause for her. I will no longer live in her memories.

I am not sure if or when I will fall in love again. I am in no hurry. If it's in my destiny, love will come to find me. But until that time, I will learn to love myself and my life again.’