What is something that can make people fall out of love?

People grow; sometimes they grow more in love, sometimes they grow out of it.’

Growing up in opposite directions of perspectives can very easily make two people fall out of love.

It is pretty amusing when people say, “Opposites attract”.

Maybe they do attract, maybe the college heartthrob will fall in love with the shy backbencher girl. But for how long? Does every couple who is too drastic in personality will enjoy a lifetime of togetherness?

No.

Opposites might attract and bring people closer. But it is the similarities which keep them together in the long run. It's not about the similarities of hobbies or interests, but the similar direction and perspection regarding life.

I had a friend in 2011. She and I were best of friends at that time. We used to understand each other, laugh a lot, had fun, share our sorrows. Our interests were different and we had lots of stuff to discuss. Even after all our differences, we still understood each other and shared a deep bond.

But in 2017, we parted ways after a series of ugly fights. Why? Not because we actually wronged each other, but because we had grown up in totally opposite directions. The way she saw life and the way I saw life were as opposite as sky and earth. We never agreed on anything and often fought. She disliked my sensitivity and I disliked when she laughed at my problems. She was too carefree about life whereas I have a habit of getting anxious often. No one was right or wrong. We were different in understanding. We just had grown out of that friendship.

Same way, you can be in a relationship with a completely opposite person till the time such differences exist in tangible characteristics like hobbies. The fact that they like tea and you like coffee is very normal. The fact that they enjoy winters more and your favorite season is summers is understandable.

But if such growth of differences occur in the more complex parts of the personality like when you two stop connecting with each other completely, the compatibility finishes. Nothing what one says makes any sense to the other one, and this can bring them on completely different chapters of their life where the relationship does not serve any meaningful purpose any longer and sooner would become a thing of the past.

A feeling of similarity is essential in a relationship. Not the similarity of tea and coffee or winters or summers, but the similarity of eyes towards life. A common base point. I cannot say for sure if a person who wants to get married at 32 will be in a relationship with a person who wants to get married at 25 for too long. A person who is extremely career oriented will feel out of place with a person who thinks a relationship is the most important aspect of life.

Growth: It's a natural and necessary process. It occurs. Somebody with whom we connected to some years back grow into a completely new individual. Even we grow and form our mindsets. That is how and why we lose our relationships and friendships. You both just lose a connection with each other.

Growing up: It is just an unavoidable part of life.

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