The Gender Conflict !!
Okay, first thing first. How many of you have read the modern day classic "Men are from Mars, women are from Venus."? I would presume not many. But I will also presume that many of the readers are in a relationship here, or even married, and must have often had bad arguments about things, where both the partners were unable to understand each other. Right? Yes, I know, that's absolutely what happens in a male-female relationships. Sometimes both of them are just not on the same page regarding same things.
I will give you an example. Women generally, and very commonly have an issue that men don't show their true emotions. Women feel that their men don't care, are so distant, always busy, don't listen to them. Whereas men on the other hand often complain that the women they love speak a lot, and expect him to speak as much as she does. That she expects him to talk to her like he used to do in the initial stages. That she always have a problem with him when he thinks that she is being unreasonable. Does this ring a bell? I am sure it does.
Look, none of the gender is really at fault here. Both the genders are very different from each other, not just biologically, or physically, but mentally and emotionally too. Men don't show their emotions, at-least not too easily. Society has taught men since the beginning of time that showing his emotions will make him appear weak. Men need to gain deep trust to open up emotionally, just like women need much more trust to open up physically. That's why men can establish physical relationships more easily and women can establish emotional connections more easily. Men will only be emotionally vulnerable in very rare situations. So he may be totally in love with you, and care about you deeply, but feels that saying he loves you is very unmanly. Men show their love not by speaking, but through his actions. So the women here needs to look out for the small actions.
That was for women. But what about men? Where are the men going wrong? Men make the most terrible mistake when they stop doing the little things for his women. Sending her a text which says that you miss her. Or making just a five minute phone call randomly to ask her about how her day is going. Or bringing a flower or chocolate for her. Or just complimenting that she looks beautiful or has cooked amazingly. Seriously how many men do all this with their ladies after the first few years? Men remain busy in their days, sometimes doing absolutely nothing. They don't need the use to have an emotional connection with their women. Men don't see their relationships from the emotional point of view. But for women, that the first thing her partner should give her. Women would always focus how emotionally connected her man is, and depending on this, all the other intimacies will follow.
Women often forgets that men love their alone time a.k.a freedom more than women do. Obviously that doesn't mean that women want their man to hover around her head all the time. That would be annoying and creepy. However, women can multitask. So it's easier for women to maintain her sense of self, and her relationship simultaneously without much effort. She needs lesser alone time to be in tune with herself that her male counterpart. However men function differently. When they are in a relationship, they often tend to lose themselves individually. Men are programmed to do one task at a time. Give a man a crying baby and a work in the kitchen at the same time and watch him running away. No I didn't mean that men can't cook or handle kids, I just meant men can't do both the tasks at the same time. Like wise, when he's being a boyfriend/husband, he loses his own identity somewhere.His mind only focuses on being a good partner. Therefore men need more alone time, where his woman is not allowed at all, so that he can do his thing and be in tune with himself. So dear ladies, if he wants to do stuff without you, understand him. He wants your trust, your admiration, your maturity, and sometimes your silence.
Often men have an issue when their woman comes to him with a problem she's having, specially in the relationship. Men suddenly pull out their shields and armors ready to defend themselves. Dear men, relax. Your lady has no intention of attacking you. She came to you with her problem because she trusts you enough to share her deepest secrets, and she expects that you will have a solution. Or that you'll at least listen to her. When men want women to be straight forward with their feelings, why do men make walls when she does directly wants to talk about problems? Maybe she's feeling neglected lately? Maybe she's worried about the future. Maybe she's afraid. As her man, isn't your duty to pacify her, instead of calling her a crying case? Women want words. Women want actions. And women want words and actions constantly. Around the world. If you have not being available to her, physically, emotionally, verbally, or have failed to show her love by your actions, she will feel unsatisfied. You can go on for days days being busy with your work or friends or having your "me" time, and still be in love with her, because you're a man and it's not a big deal for you. But for her, it is. She needs your time, your affection, your attention, your gestures, your companionship, your love, your support, your affection, your loyalty, your caring, your words, your touch, your respect. She needs you.
A lot of you will say that you know all this. Still you face issues with your partner. First of all, you won't ever have a relationship in which you won't encounter problems. You two are different people, of different gender, had a different thought process and upbringing, obviously issues will arise. Secondly, often one partner in a relationship knows about how a male mind and female mind is different from one another. So what happens is that partner tries to understand the differences, and tries to adjust, but the other partner is very much naive about the psychology. And obviously if one partner tries to become more accommodating than the other one, they feel like they're not being understood. Because they're trying hard. So it's my request that if you're in a relationship, do read about how male and female mind and emotions are different from each other. It will help in building better relationships.
Dear women, if you're expecting him to talk and listen to you like your friends do, or if you always want him to spend his time around you or with you, you'll feel unloved, and unsatisfied. He is a man, and will act like one, respect his manly nature.. Dear men, if you chased her like a moth chases fire in the initial months, but now go on for days without properly talking to her, calling her, texting her, meeting her, saying that you love and value her, because that's how it works for you, then you're expecting her to be like you, that is, expecting her to be a man wrapped in a woman's body. She is a woman. She is created by the Almighty with different needs than you. If you want her to fulfill you and understand you, you would also have to fulfill her and understand her. If you're not fulfilling her basic emotional hunger for love and intimacy, you're killing her love.
Both men and women are giving their partners what they themselves need. Like women need words and constant emotional support, so women are busy giving men their words and emotional support, not realizing that as a man he has different needs. Maybe he needs space. Just like that a man who wants space and freedom ad silence, is giving these things to his woman, under a false light that because he wants these things, his woman want them too. That if silence and space makes him happy, it should make her happy too. People must realize that in a relationship you need to give what the other is hungry for. If the other one needs water, when you're constantly serving tea, obviously the matter will become hot and burn you.
Understanding the other gender isn't so difficult. But the problem is men and women don't really want to spend their time on the basic different needs of men and women, which eventually leads to breaking of the most amazing bonds. Who is to be blamed? Probably the misconception that men and women are same, and wants exactly same things from each other. And this, needs to be changed. Dear women, sometimes the best gift you can give him is your silence. Dear men, sometimes the best gift you can gift her is words. Dear women, sometimes the best thing you can do for him is to not talk. Dear men, sometimes you can do magic to her just by listening patiently.
"You're a fair weather lover. As long as I am sweet and loving, you are here for me,
but as soon as I am not, you're out of the door. Right now I am in pain.
I have nothing to give, and this is when I need you the most.
Please come here and hold me. You don't have to say anything.
I just need to feel your arms around me. Please don't leave me."
I will give you an example. Women generally, and very commonly have an issue that men don't show their true emotions. Women feel that their men don't care, are so distant, always busy, don't listen to them. Whereas men on the other hand often complain that the women they love speak a lot, and expect him to speak as much as she does. That she expects him to talk to her like he used to do in the initial stages. That she always have a problem with him when he thinks that she is being unreasonable. Does this ring a bell? I am sure it does.
Look, none of the gender is really at fault here. Both the genders are very different from each other, not just biologically, or physically, but mentally and emotionally too. Men don't show their emotions, at-least not too easily. Society has taught men since the beginning of time that showing his emotions will make him appear weak. Men need to gain deep trust to open up emotionally, just like women need much more trust to open up physically. That's why men can establish physical relationships more easily and women can establish emotional connections more easily. Men will only be emotionally vulnerable in very rare situations. So he may be totally in love with you, and care about you deeply, but feels that saying he loves you is very unmanly. Men show their love not by speaking, but through his actions. So the women here needs to look out for the small actions.
That was for women. But what about men? Where are the men going wrong? Men make the most terrible mistake when they stop doing the little things for his women. Sending her a text which says that you miss her. Or making just a five minute phone call randomly to ask her about how her day is going. Or bringing a flower or chocolate for her. Or just complimenting that she looks beautiful or has cooked amazingly. Seriously how many men do all this with their ladies after the first few years? Men remain busy in their days, sometimes doing absolutely nothing. They don't need the use to have an emotional connection with their women. Men don't see their relationships from the emotional point of view. But for women, that the first thing her partner should give her. Women would always focus how emotionally connected her man is, and depending on this, all the other intimacies will follow.
Women often forgets that men love their alone time a.k.a freedom more than women do. Obviously that doesn't mean that women want their man to hover around her head all the time. That would be annoying and creepy. However, women can multitask. So it's easier for women to maintain her sense of self, and her relationship simultaneously without much effort. She needs lesser alone time to be in tune with herself that her male counterpart. However men function differently. When they are in a relationship, they often tend to lose themselves individually. Men are programmed to do one task at a time. Give a man a crying baby and a work in the kitchen at the same time and watch him running away. No I didn't mean that men can't cook or handle kids, I just meant men can't do both the tasks at the same time. Like wise, when he's being a boyfriend/husband, he loses his own identity somewhere.His mind only focuses on being a good partner. Therefore men need more alone time, where his woman is not allowed at all, so that he can do his thing and be in tune with himself. So dear ladies, if he wants to do stuff without you, understand him. He wants your trust, your admiration, your maturity, and sometimes your silence.
Often men have an issue when their woman comes to him with a problem she's having, specially in the relationship. Men suddenly pull out their shields and armors ready to defend themselves. Dear men, relax. Your lady has no intention of attacking you. She came to you with her problem because she trusts you enough to share her deepest secrets, and she expects that you will have a solution. Or that you'll at least listen to her. When men want women to be straight forward with their feelings, why do men make walls when she does directly wants to talk about problems? Maybe she's feeling neglected lately? Maybe she's worried about the future. Maybe she's afraid. As her man, isn't your duty to pacify her, instead of calling her a crying case? Women want words. Women want actions. And women want words and actions constantly. Around the world. If you have not being available to her, physically, emotionally, verbally, or have failed to show her love by your actions, she will feel unsatisfied. You can go on for days days being busy with your work or friends or having your "me" time, and still be in love with her, because you're a man and it's not a big deal for you. But for her, it is. She needs your time, your affection, your attention, your gestures, your companionship, your love, your support, your affection, your loyalty, your caring, your words, your touch, your respect. She needs you.
A lot of you will say that you know all this. Still you face issues with your partner. First of all, you won't ever have a relationship in which you won't encounter problems. You two are different people, of different gender, had a different thought process and upbringing, obviously issues will arise. Secondly, often one partner in a relationship knows about how a male mind and female mind is different from one another. So what happens is that partner tries to understand the differences, and tries to adjust, but the other partner is very much naive about the psychology. And obviously if one partner tries to become more accommodating than the other one, they feel like they're not being understood. Because they're trying hard. So it's my request that if you're in a relationship, do read about how male and female mind and emotions are different from each other. It will help in building better relationships.
Dear women, if you're expecting him to talk and listen to you like your friends do, or if you always want him to spend his time around you or with you, you'll feel unloved, and unsatisfied. He is a man, and will act like one, respect his manly nature.. Dear men, if you chased her like a moth chases fire in the initial months, but now go on for days without properly talking to her, calling her, texting her, meeting her, saying that you love and value her, because that's how it works for you, then you're expecting her to be like you, that is, expecting her to be a man wrapped in a woman's body. She is a woman. She is created by the Almighty with different needs than you. If you want her to fulfill you and understand you, you would also have to fulfill her and understand her. If you're not fulfilling her basic emotional hunger for love and intimacy, you're killing her love.
Both men and women are giving their partners what they themselves need. Like women need words and constant emotional support, so women are busy giving men their words and emotional support, not realizing that as a man he has different needs. Maybe he needs space. Just like that a man who wants space and freedom ad silence, is giving these things to his woman, under a false light that because he wants these things, his woman want them too. That if silence and space makes him happy, it should make her happy too. People must realize that in a relationship you need to give what the other is hungry for. If the other one needs water, when you're constantly serving tea, obviously the matter will become hot and burn you.
Understanding the other gender isn't so difficult. But the problem is men and women don't really want to spend their time on the basic different needs of men and women, which eventually leads to breaking of the most amazing bonds. Who is to be blamed? Probably the misconception that men and women are same, and wants exactly same things from each other. And this, needs to be changed. Dear women, sometimes the best gift you can give him is your silence. Dear men, sometimes the best gift you can gift her is words. Dear women, sometimes the best thing you can do for him is to not talk. Dear men, sometimes you can do magic to her just by listening patiently.
"You're a fair weather lover. As long as I am sweet and loving, you are here for me,
but as soon as I am not, you're out of the door. Right now I am in pain.
I have nothing to give, and this is when I need you the most.
Please come here and hold me. You don't have to say anything.
I just need to feel your arms around me. Please don't leave me."
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