What's Killing The Love ?

Recently I have been smitten by this social platform known as quora. Since one month, I am highly active on this social site, and needless to say, it's amazing. It's actually fun and  also a source of knowledge. People post their questions and experiences all the time. Some people answers and tries to solve other's problems. However, there is one issue which deeply concerns me.

Last night I was scrolling through the feed when a question like this came up "I love my girlfriend but there is this another girl whom I think I love more.", And these type of questions are scattered everywhere in the site. So why are people, too many people feeling confused in love. They meet a person, start liking that person, thinks that feeling is "love", go crazy over that person,gets in a relationship, gets bored of that person, falls out of "love", gets attracted to a new person and again falls in "love", and the whole process is repeated. So I really thought and thought and thought about this loop of falling in and out of love repeatedly, by so many people around the world.

The world is at our feet today. Schools, colleges, offices, pubs and bars, the physical and tangible places where we can meet new people. And if they weren't enough now we have social platforms like Facebook, Twitter, Instagram, Quora, Whatsapp, Snapchat and what not. And then ofcourse the dating sites like Tinder. All in a nutshell, people people everywhere. A guy and girl meets through any of the above medium, and likes each other. Now what happens is that both of them misinterpret this liking as love, and they get with each other, rather jump in with each other rather very quickly. After sometime, when the initial feelings of lust and likeness breaks down, both or one of them feel bored of the other, and end up getting attracted to someone else. Do you really think this is love ? Absolutely no !
The generation of today, people aged in range 15-30, very very often confuse love with like and lust and infatuation. Also the amount of technology and internet and other bad habits like sleeping around, alcohol, smoking and drugs had brought down the maturity and patience level to the ground. People today neither have the time or the energy to fall in love. Neither do they understand the concept of love.

As in the story above, lets together see what went wrong. A guy and a girl met, and they liked each other. They spent a lot of time together, had coffee, went to bars and movies, had dinners, texted all day, called all night. Now when you spend so much of your time with a new person of opposite gender, then the probability of getting attracted to that person becomes very high. And attraction is okay. What the problem is when both the people confuse this immediate feeling of attraction and infatuation which is mixed with a huge amount of lust, with the feeling of love. They claim their undying love for each other, even though they had known each other only for 3 months. They make big promises to each other, and gets in the relationship. Now slowly and steadily after the honeymoon period, when the madness of outer appearance falls down, the sexual urges are reduced, when the other person starts showing their own true self, the little annoying habbits, when they both come to know that the other person is not as perfect as they seemed to be in the initial months, or life just becomes very predictable, they lose interest. Now the feeling of love starts from here. Any couple can be with each other during the good times, the honeymoon period, but it takes real love to hold a couple together in bad times too. If a couple can fight for each other, only that is real love.

Love is different from the feeling of attraction and infatuation. Love runs deep, whereas attraction is on the surface. Love is devoid of the feeling of lust, that's why it stays even when the couple is 70 years old, but attraction is vastly filled by bodily pleasures. When you really love someone you know that you'll never cheat them, but when you're attracted to someone, you feel the need to cheat every other day. Love resides in the heart, attraction resides in the face and the body. Love takes in account both the positives and negatives of a person. When you really love a person, you love them for who they really are, you love not only the great things about them, but also their short-comings, however, when you like someone or are attracted to them, you only want the positives, and get repulsive when you see any negative attribute in them.

When couple come together in such an early phase without taking in consideration of their real feelings, the relationship often results in a break up. If the couple before getting in a relationship , very patiently take time to get to know each other truly, the rate of break ups and divorces and cheating will come dramatically down. Not only relationships, even marriages break down due to the same reasons.

Another phenomenon that is on the constant rise these days is cheating. When a couple who has been with each other for long often have a feeling of experiencing someone new. They feel a feeling of sameness and routine in their life due to the long time partner. In such a situation, they do probably love the other one and that's why they stick around each other for long, and don't want to lose them, but also want to have someone new. And then comes cheating. Texting a new person, meeting a new person, having emotional or physical relationships with a new person. The cheater thinks that he/she is having the time of his/her life, that he/she has both love and enjoyment in their life. But what they forget is to think about that sooner or later the long term partner will eventually find out about this game. In long term relationships it is particularly easier to read the signs of cheating because both the partners know each other inside out. So the change in behavior gives away the truth rather quickly. Also I am yet to find a man/ woman who hasn't caught the partner red handed if they were cheating on them. Therefore dear cheaters, if you're cheating on your partner, be rest assured, one day they'll find out the truth, sooner or later. And then make yourself ready for loosing them.

Love is really not as complex as people make it sound. However it's not too simple as well. It can take years to fall in love with someone, so it often makes me laugh out loud when I hear someone say that they fell in love with their partner in a matter of few days or few months. Therefore, my dear people, stop asking where has the true love gone. True love has always been here and will always be. It is you and I who need to change ourselves. We need to stop having frequent and multiple relationships, stop cheating, stop walking out on our partners when something is wrong, and very importantly, take a little more time before saying "I Love You". People use these words so casually, that they have lost it's beauty. Say these words to the only one about whom you're sure that you really love them and are not just attracted to their face or body or other positive attributes. When something is wrong in your relationship, talk to your partner about it and try to fix it, instead of looking someone else on Facebook or Tinder or whatsapp. Changing partners like clothes would never lead you to love or a wonderful happy life.

No one perfect is going to come in your life. Neither a person will come with whom you'll fit at every level. The only way to have true love in your life is when you only give your heart to one person and stick around them for your life and keep all your promises, even when the times are not right. Stop looking at other faces, and just concentrate on that one face you would want to wake up next to the rest of your life. And celebrate that love life long. Getting into a relationship is very very easy, but what we need to learn is how to keep that relationship going and maintain our loyalty towards that one person. That, my friend, is the only way you'll ever experience true love !